


I'll make it up

by Amie33



Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-03
Updated: 2013-01-03
Packaged: 2017-11-23 12:54:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,559
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/622348
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Amie33/pseuds/Amie33
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“I’ll come. Each time you meet my younger self and I know I’ve been rude, I’ll come and make it up to you.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	I'll make it up

 “ _I’ll come. Each time you meet my younger self and I know I’ve been rude, I’ll come and make it up_ _to you.”_

She didn’t remember when he said that to her for the first time. She must have been young and she didn’t understand yet what he meant. She had understood their story wasn’t linear and she knew she would meet a younger him, but at the time she didn’t realize how it would hurt. How it would be difficult to see a him who didn’t trust her but shouted at her and acted like there was nothing between them - and there was nothing, from his point of view.

x.

The first time was after Demon’s Run; after he had shouted all his anger and sadness at her, before she’d explained who she was and his face had lit up. She didn’t think she had seen him so happy. He had been happy with her before of course, extremely happy, but that moment... She understood that it had been the moment he’d realized that he could really trust her, love her and be with her. Whatever he was afraid of, it was less present after that day, for him at least. She knew that for her, fear would become more and more present as she got closer to the end.

She brought back Amy and Rory after he had left. When she finally found herself alone and trying to understand all the implications of their last encounter, he was there waiting for her. He smiled and hugged her and kissed her, telling her how sorry he was. She knew he was alluding to the fact that he didn’t save her from Kovarian and everything that happened afterwards. However, she also knew that despite his apologizes and the fact that he couldn’t change anything, he was also glad that nothing had changed. She was too. If he had changed anything she wouldn’t be with him and he wouldn’t be with her and she couldn’t let go of him - as he couldn’t let go of her.

x.

After Demon’s Run came the Moon, 1969. His first kiss had been one of the saddest things in her whole life. She knew what he promised, that somehow their story was not completely all back to front, but for a moment - a little second, she doubted. What if his first was really her last? What if it had been the last time and she hadn’t known? What if she couldn’t have it all again?

But the TARDIS hadn’t disappeared for a minute before another one appeared, and she just had time to wipe her tears away before he came out. It was not her Doctor yet, not completely. He wasn’t married to her yet and seemed so young... But he knew her. He knew her and loved her, and before she could move or say a word he was on her; kissing her with a burning passion.

He didn’t stop kissing her as he undressed her, and he didn’t stop mumbling apologizes between the kisses. She didn’t know where he had come from exactly but it seemed like something important and moving had happened to him. He made love to her right there in Stormcage; a mix of passion and tenderness as he stroked her skin and whispered words of love in her ears and held her close.

x.

There were lots of things she didn’t understand about the Pandorica, which had been unusual because she usually understood _a lot_ of things. And so did he. But there were two universes in their heads now; two versions of the same reality - oh, there were only tiny differences in hers - but as a Time Lady she could feel them more than simple human beings, and it felt weird.

She found herself with an empty diary and a cocktail dress, yet her memories were almost intact. It took her a moment to realize what day it was and what she was supposed to do; she had to run to reach for Amy and Rory’s wedding party - her parents’ wedding party. But they didn’t know her, just like the Doctor didn’t know her. She had to forget the pain because if she didn’t then she wouldn’t do what she was supposed to, and she might lose them forever.

She gave the diary to Rory who didn’t recognize her, and he gave it to Amy. Amy remembered and the Doctor was back. She sighed as he appeared, relieved. Time was back to how it was supposed to be.

He sent her the coordinates. Not the him that had just came back from the void of course, _her_ Doctor. When his younger self had given back her diary, she directly flew to him. She landed directly in the TARDIS and found him arms-crossed waiting for her. He had the same suit and the same top hat and he smiled as he reached of her.

“I think I just proposed, and you said yes.”

She laughed and took his arm. That night they got married - again. She didn’t count, but they’ve gotten married each time they weren’t busy running and saving the universe. It must have been at least their hundredth time. She hoped they would do it a hundred more.

x.

Byzantium was difficult. Not only because of the Angels and the fact that she was somehow afraid of them. After all those years with the Silence; who disappeared when you forgot to look at them, facing a species that could kill you in a blink of an eye was something she found a bit disturbing.

And there was the Doctor, of course. The Doctor who didn’t know her, who called her Professor and who had that look on his face... She knew that look. She had always seen it, but when he was older he tried to hide it. At Byzantium he didn’t hide it at all and she could see everything - his fear, his pain, his anger. She wondered what could have caused that, and what it had to do with her.

It was easier with Amy; her mother who had met her for the first time but was instantly a friend. She knew that everything was going to be fine with her, that somehow there would be a solution, because she wouldn’t exist if there wasn’t...

They solved the issue of the Angels and the crack, for a while at least. She was back with the handcuffs and sent to Stormcage. Except she didn’t arrived at Stormcage. One more time she found herself in the TARDIS.

She knew this time it was an old Doctor. The TARDIS was different; darker, blue and black with a few lights. It was not the first time she had seen this TARDIS and she knew it wasn’t the best time for the Doctor. He was sadder and always looked at her with... She didn’t know exactly. _Sadness? Pity?_

“We didn’t have much time,” he said, wearing a three-piece suit. She was glad that even if it wasn’t her favorite, he had kept the bow-tie. He kissed her as he removed the handcuffs, explaining that he was going to send her to her parents. They had just seen him _die_ at Lake Silencio and she would have to tell them the truth. She nodded and did as she was told.

After she’d visited her parents he came back to her; the same Doctor.They had run together for a few days, visiting planets and moons before he let her back to Stormcage. The Church never realized she had been gone for almost a week instead of a few seconds.

x.

When she opened her eyes this time she knew he couldn’t come to her. Not this time. Not in this unreal world. She had reached the end, the beginning. He couldn’t come back. Never.

She understood everything then. The sad look on his face and the constant apologizes; why he insisted on making up. He must have thought about this moment and tried to... Try to what exactly? Forget it, lighten it, make it easier? She was sure that he had never forgiven himself. Maybe he thought she would never be able to forgive him. Stupid Doctor, of course she would forgive him - _always, completely_. Furthermore when there was nothing to forgive. It wasn’t his fault if it was his first time. It wasn’t his fault if everything went wrong. It wasn’t his fault if she died. She chose to let him live, as he chose to let her be raised with the Silence; because they both knew it was how things were meant to be.

She closed her eyes for an instant and breathed in deeply. It was a whole new life; Books, stories, children. Nothing would be the same anymore.

She opened her eyes and skipped a heartbeat - or what was the equivalent of a heartbeat in this world. If it had been real, she must have had a heart attack and died, again.

He was there. She didn’t know why, or how - No that wasn’t true, she knew why and she was afraid of the how. It was better not to think about those reasons. He smiled and reached his hand out to her.

“I promised you I’d make it up to you. For everything.”

_the end_


End file.
